Thursday, 23 April 2009

Long time no speaky...

I have just resigned from my local council :( I have been trying to represent young mothers and disabled but i keep having seizures couple of hours before the meetings when i am all prepped and ready to go. I think the stress triggers them.
So maybe i post here more often now i dont get all that paper work. Thankless task being a councillor, no pay, lots of paperwork and everywhere you go in your town people stop to debate with you whatever else you happen to be doing. Also you get blamed for anything people dont like and label as inactive by people who dont bother to stand for local councils or maybe even turn up to vote ... what a world.

Anyway i posted this today about Epilepsy and Tantric Meditation ...

Hey everyone :) I have been on a rolling sea journey with my epilepsy recently. I use to have sharper attacks but now they are smoother and put me in a different space for a long time. I have been working with a mahamudra relationship to my seizures for a while now, there is no room for attachment at all once they start to hit and i think this has been a great gift to me to make to most of where my path is concerned. The mind is wilder or deeper now than it has been in the past, my absence and simple partial seizures rolling into each other. The only thing that feels like delusion when i am relaxed is a fear of drowning. Like if i ride on the ocean of the mind in epileptic state i can feel more closely the actual waves and motion of it, but that entails looking into the ocean which is deep. A cave looks like the best option :-p If i let go i am not sure if convention will prevail and i am a busy mother of young children on that level. So i guess although diving seems like the best option for my bodhisattva mind... it is scary in its formlessness and i am not sure if that is what this manifestation of reality right now is about. Anyone heard about epileptic tantrists? I think my epilepsy is very different from grand mal from what i have heard from those who suffer for it - they pretty much 'leave the building' when it happens. I am there to witness the process of mind, which has always set me out as a bit strange and interested in deep process. :-p Just chatting ^^

2 comments:

Paula Peck said...

Sounds like you've been having a rough time lately with your epilepsy and yet, still managing to use it as part of your path!

Emily said...

Do you know any other eplieptic buddhists Paula?

and thanks :-)