Long time... spring and summer was really hectic. I wrote this letter to someone recently and wanted to share it.. I am constantly watching my epileptic patterns and trying to figure out how to assert what i really require from those who wish to consider themselves my friends. I am still learning how to be friendly to myself after all...
It frustrates me when I cannot fulfill the small amount of promises I have made. I like to be honourable and consistant with others (like thats every gonna happen with my inconsistant brain i mutter to myself). So I figure knowing my limits well will help me to know what promises I can make... so tho it looks maybe like selfishness I am trying to see it as a practice of honesty instead. Complicated ne?
I feel there is something I ought to tell you about me.. if I am going to mentor you in any way
I am a temporal lobe epileptic from a brain injury i recieved when i was 8 years old. As as result of this i have fairly frequent seizures that take varying forms. One thing i get often is 'Jamais Vue' which is like when you have never seen or experienced something before. For example when i am in this state if someone gives me a cup of tea i wont know what it is, what to do with it, or how it is relevant to me.
The main result of this is that I have to work very hard to be able to do conventional things and have conventional conversations. The plus side of this is that I don't waste much time, the down side is that I am not really someone to mess with.
I won't get very angry if i get teased or corrected... just very tired. And if I meet someone who is often jokey in the place of true communication then I will eventually just give up - I just can't afford the time and energy. I suspect that this will actually make me a very good Okaasan in the end - one that can be trusted to be steady and honest both by those she looks after and those in the wider world who relate to them.
I know there are social reasons why humans jibe at each other... but as a human i also have the right to make mistakes. Please dont pick me up on little things, it will confuse me. - I am also fairly sure you don't want me to start doing it to you.. and even if i did correct you I suspect you would like me to do so in a gentle way so that you can learn from it. If something is worth doing... its worth doing well.
Please read this through slowly several times before you respond - I may well have upset or shocked you with this message which comes from where 'I' am, which i am humbly aware is not the conventional. Then you can respond in your own time and sincerely... after all words are powerful things and once said, they are never really erased from the world.