Another long break..

During which I had to deal with the trauma of my narcissistic mother offering her spare room to my eldest daughter and winning her away from me.

I think this is an experience that is more common than it should be for disabled mothers.. young people are easily confused and dissatisfied during their teenage years and I have to say it has not been easy energetically or financially being a disabled mum with uncontrolled epilepsy. It's then VERY easy for anything to be sold as 'the greener side of the fence'.

I have had issues with the belittling of my mother for most of my adult life as she often gave me the feeling that the life I had built for myself was uninteresting. Rarely did she visit my house (we live in the same town) for reasons other than to tell me what her next plan was and how I should fit into it. I also have learnt since the bombshell that she took the side of my ex in a lot of things, especially during the phase of my eldest daughter's early life - when motherly confidence is in short supply.

The main issue I have had with my mum is that she (naturally I feel) had a difficult time adjusting to my epilepsy. Only in adulthood have I discovered how marvellously subtle it is to have brain damage and the different types of effect it can have carrying around such a sensitive organ in a state of flux and compensation for said injury. During childhood a lot of symptoms were written off as me being a day-dreamer .. or over emotional (boy has she used that plenty of times to gaslight me into submission and alienate me from others). But also as a parent she has been disempowering and thriving on the attention one gets as a grandparent - working towards being my children's 'friend' and gossiping with them in ways that are entirely inappropriate. I had to stop her taking the kids out for a while when my eldest (who was 7 at the time) came back from the zoo trip telling me that grandma had said I was 'naughty'. More recently  (during the grooming 'come live with me' phase) it was reported by my eldest that she was saying things like 'when will your mum get a job' and also in reference to when I got beaten up as a child 'it cant have been that bad because she wasn't covered in bruises'.

I did try to go to counselling with my mum in Feb of the year she stole my daughter (who was 17 at time so everyone said 'she can make her own decisions'). The session was impossible but I gave it my best. As it was she refused to acknowledge anything I said as even my own truth.. saying 'i don't understand the pictures you are painting' when I was talking about things that actually happened. She only called me by my name once when she was pretty much telling me off for crying - it must have been very embarrassing for her.

Since then I went non-contact. I am disabled and don't have the extra energy I can give to this woman - so she took my child. I also could no longer bully my children into going along with her schemes - as they were old enough to start saying no :-p. Haven't heard from my child since then (we had not had any argument when she left) as my mum ramped up her natural anxiety to the point where she tells everyone she is scared of me.

3 of us left are now quite balanced and happy (I am going to regular counselling on my own) but that's pretty much what I have been doing in my year gap - most educational! Oh.. and having more like a seizure a day - stress probably.