Monday 15 March 2010

Pile Up

When i have a seizure it is like a pile up in the brain. Too many objects with too many aspects and even ideas of themselves all in one moment. Like a hose thats been stepped on maybe.. the water flow restricted so it is faster and seems to have more of a presence as a result.
I have so many ideas and ways i could change things and make things different and i'm not afraid of work... if i see its not being done but should be hey! ill do it... then along comes another seizure and i am a mouse again. Odd.

Its good to be ambitious isnt it? Aren't many entrepreneurs and non depressive people applauded for it? Sometimes i think i should be like a queen or empress.. people could come from miles around and ask me what they should do. And i would have an answer for all of them i know i would... send them all off into the world with renewed focus.. taking the ideas that fly from inside me and embodying them for the benefit of those who were experiencing the hole in which the idea fits.. but hadnt quite got round to distinguishing the problem as a hole.

Maybe those angel beings who are made of light feel like this.. maybe i am a step down from that.. though not quite human either. So i experience slightly less frustration than the non corporeal beings i guess. I should be thankful for that. I can hug people and i am here when the people ask me for answers.
I wonder though... just how reliable am i?... comparatively of course...

Now you have the pile up in your mind maybe...
or something like it :-p

Apologys in advance,
Emily x

3 comments:

oli said...

Hi Emily,

I've just been reading some of your posts. Very interesting. I'm sorry you were forced to leave the job you enjoyed so much because of your condition. Your most recent post had a kind of poetic dreamy imagery to it, you as the Queen or Empress.

I also suffer from epilepsy, mostly short absences. I always think of my 'black-outs' as being like digital television cutting out. It's more prosaic than how you put it, I know, but it's a close analogy for me.

Emily, at the end of this month I'm doing a project to raise funds for the National Society for Epilepsy, travelling from Land's End to John O'Groats on local buses using my disabled person's bus pass. That's what my blog is about. If you're interested, I'd really appreciate it if you'd consider adding a link on your blog to mine, and I'll do the same for yours.

Thanks a lot,
All the best,
Oli.

Toyin O. said...

Thanks for sharing.

Varahi said...

Thank you for all your kind comments :) and unreadable ones.... *makes use of google translate and hopes for the best*